How does a guy get a girl? The answer to that eternally important question has differed greatly over the years. At times the main attraction has been idealism, commitment to social causes, or even (on very rare occasions) the ability to work a rhyme. Christopher Marlowe, a contemporary of Shakespeare, suggested in his "Passionate Shepherd To His Love" poem that even a humble livestock handler could land a mate with promises of simple pleasures. Today, of course, things are very different. Many men and women now find a good credit score the really appealing aphrodisiac—a view summed up in the following Marlowe knock-off...
A Credit Score Heavy To His Love
Come live with me I’ll give you more
I’ve got a world class credit score
A number like mine in this field
Doth ev’ry kind of goody yield.
With me you’ll never be in hock
You’ll own a slew of bonds and stock
When weary you’ll in spas relax
For bric-a-brac you’ll shop at Saks.
Three times a year we’ll take long cruises
With CEOs we’ll have long schmoozes
Collectors won’t call you at night
No unpaid bills will cause you fright.
Our assets will be so well-based
That pols will suck up for a taste
The friends you had when you were poor
You can blow off and just ignore.
Your clothes will always be in style
Your waiting staff will be servile
None will know the life you led
Following the Grateful Dead.
And we will wear our matching Rollies
Drinking cocktails made with Stolis
And if my credit score doth please
Come live with me and be my squeeze.
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